Exhaustion just doesn't cover it

So nursing school is in full swing and let me just tell you that it is so much information!!!!! OMG! I'm getting a little overwhelmed just trying to stay on top of everything. What scares me the most is right now I only have 3 classes and coming in June I am done with one class but pick up 3 more!!! AHHHH So i'm just having a little bit of a freak out moment. 

But anyways I do have to say I LOVE SCHOOL! The people that are in my class are amazing! They are ALL so nice, and sweet. I never thought I'd say that about a group of mostly girls EVER! 

Being that this is my second time in school it kind of makes me sad to think that I didn't have such a great experience the first time. What I liked about Purdue was getting to be closer to my cousin and other family members. I mean lets face it I didn't really make any friends. My roommates were just too different from me to make the friendship work. It makes me sad sometimes to think about how we all just let the friendship die instead of getting over hurt feelings and just realizing that perhaps we could have been better friends so long as we didn't live together.  I often times think of writing them an email of some sort just to apologize for my actions. Maybe someday I'll get the courage, cause I'm just not sure how they would take it. 

But anyways it feels good to finally feel like I'm doing what I should with my life. I truly enjoy all of these classes and what I am learning. It's a great feeling to no longer feel lost. I love construction and all that it entails but I think as I was recently told by some people from my past that Nursing truly is a better fit for me and my strengths...hmmm now if only I would have listened to them when I was in high school! 

Well either way the road I've taken to get here may not have been the straight and easy one, I'm here and I'm loving it, I may be a little stressed at times but I'm happy! I feel bad that I have to miss out on so much with family and friends but it will all be worth it in the end. I was never one who wanted a career so at least now I will be enjoying what I'm doing instead of having to focus on trying to build a career. PLUS I will be able to be there for my kids :) YAY!

So the exhaustion will pass and I will get through this! Well TTFN!!! time to go get some sleep...yeah right!

NEGATIVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGGGG, So I'm a little frustrated with peoples attitudes lately. I feel like everywhere I go people complain about something and talk bad about someone. Where did all the positivity go? I mean seriously! It's annoying! Having a little bit of a positive attitude will get you so much farther!

Working at a Hospital with a bunch of women is a trip, and not necessarily a good one! Women are so much more catty and irritating than men. NO WONDER MEN ALWAYS COMPLAIN! but seriously in all honesty I would love to come to work and have 2% of the people in a good mood with a positive attitude.

I'm not a naturally positive person, I work EXTREMELY hard at being positive. But it's my new goal in life to find the positive in every situation. While I know not everyone has the same sentiment as me, I just feel that having a positive attitude will make everyone happier. It seems like everywhere I go people are pissed of at someone or something. We are all wound a little too tight if we get bent out of shape everyday about something. I would love to challenge the people in my life to go 1 day with out complaining about something. HELL 1 hour! Now I know I'm doing a bit of complaining myself and for that i'm sorry, it's just people and their attitude problems are really starting to get to me. So please LIGHTEN UP! BE POSTIVE AND GET OVER IT! K loves! BYE

Nursing School Begins

Today I started nursing school...whooo hooooooo!!! Although I must say this was the most anxious I've ever been to start a semester of college. I'm not sure why, but I was all nerves yesterday and this morning I felt like I could vomit at any time. I'm not usually an anxious person either which made it all the more strange. But anyway I made it through the first day with no problems. :)
Today was what they called "orientation" but it really was just orientation for the only clinical class we have right now. Right now we are just in fundamentals of nursing. Which today we learned, how to give a bath, put a patient on a bed pan, how to put on an attends, and how to transfer a patient from the bed to a chair. (wow never done any of that before..haha). All in all it was a good first day that gave me a little more confidence going forward.
After we finished with this orientation I went and printed off everything I will need for the first 3 classes we are taking for this summer. I guess we add 2 more classes at the end of June as well as once Fundamentals are over we add Med surg I. This is definately fast paced and intense just looking at the syllabus but it will all be worth it in the end!!! I'm so excited to have started this new chapter in my life as well as excited about all the things I will learn.
Life is good! :)

Babies

So today my cousin had her baby girl, Lydia Rose. She is adorable and just so freaking beautiful. I can't wait to meet her! I had a final tonight and Alley was still recovering from her C-section so I will hopefully get to meet the little dear tomorrow. I can't express how excited I am.

Today really got me thinking of babies. Not that having children is ever really off my mind. For those that know me, I've had baby fever since I was ohhh about 5. I remember when my cousin Jaclyn was born and I just fell in love with babies at that time. Growing up ALL I ever wanted were baby dolls and barbies. Well that obsession with dolls and barbies turned into the obsession of wanting children and to be a mom. Every chance I get I will hold a baby and just cuddle them.
So today just got me excited to be done with nursing school so that Adam and I can have a family of our own. I truly feel my purpose in life is to be a mom. It's the only thing I've really ever wanted to be. All this schooling is really just to help support my family. When asked as a youngster what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always responded with..."I want to be a mom". So having to put off starting a family is the #1 downfall to being in school. Every time I hear that a friend or family member is pregnant and having a baby I'm overcome with two extremely stong emotions all at once. I never thought you could feel two emotions at the same time. First of all I feel so much excitment and joy for those that are pregnant I could jump up and down and scream from the rooftops how excited I am for them. But then comes the saddness. The saddness I feel is for no one other than myself. Being 24 almost 25 and still in school is NOT where I thought I'd be. I want to be just like all of my friends with their big preggo bellys and beautiful children tackling the task of motherhood. And trust me I KNOW my time will come and I know I'm still young, but it's hard for me not feel sorry for myself.
However, I MUST STRESS. My self pity and poor attitude in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM takes away any of my utter happiness for those who are at that place in their lives. I've just decided to chalk it up to it being hard to take and realize that not all our dreams come true in the way and time frame we've always wanted. I mean thus far I've gotten everything I've ever wanted and more. I have a wonderful husband who loves and adores me and wonderful friends and family. My life is truly blessed and just because I'm almost 25 and no children in sight doesn't mean that my life is in shambles. I will be a mother one day this I know. It just won't be in the time frame that I want.
So I have to say to those friends and family members who have or are having babies, THANK YOU, since I can't have kids of my own yet, I truly enjoy every moment I get to spend with yours. They give me the little pick-me-up that I need to get motivated with school so I can someday soon give them a playmate. I love you all! God Bless all the little children!

Finals Week

This week is finals week! I can't express how happy I am to be at the end of the semester. Every semester it gets exciting to be finished with a certian number of classes and move on to the next. However it does seem that they drag the semester out a bit. I would be happy with a 12 or 14 week semester. 16 is just extremely long!
But anyways as of a week from today I will officially be in nursing school! I'm a little nervous about this prospect, mainly because I know it will be a little time consuming. The clinical part does not scare me, it's this one class, pathophysiology, that scares the living daylights out of me. I can almost feel an anxiety attack coming on when I think about it. The saddest part is that I will have NO summer whatsoever. But this will by far be my most challenging semester of nursing school because it is infact only 14 weeks. Now the time frame I love, just not the squeezing of 16 weeks worth of information into 14 weeks. It will be a challenge by far. So I hope everyone will understand my lack of ability to be around or do anything this summer.


But the sooner I start, the sooner I get done and the sooner I get on with my life. I've been in school for 20 years and quite frankly I'm over it! I never thought I'd be in college for 6 years! UGGG I think I'm just ready to live the life I want and not the one that is put in front of me right now.
Oh well after this week it will be 12 semesters of college down and 4 to go. heres to the end in sight.

Stress ball!!!

Ok so I'm officially even more of a stressball than before. I'm not much a fan of the end of the semester when teachers pile on everything possible they didn't get to earlier in the semester. I feel like everyday I have a new thing to do. But I guess it will prepare me for nursing school wich starts in 19 days...wow!!! I never thought this day would happen.
The start of my 14 month world wind nursing school experience is fastly approaching and it honestly scares me a bit. I'm scared of the friendships and relationships that will be put on hold. I already feel that many people are upset with me and disappointed in my lack of ability to be in their lives right now and for all of that I'm so sorry. I promise I will be the friend everyone remembers come August of 2011!!! I just hope all of those people who I am letting down know how much they mean to me and how much I miss them. Adam and I are so over me being in school that we could cry(ok the crying part is more me). But in the end I just have to tell myself it will be worth it. The road to happiness isn't always easy but it's always worth it in the end. This is what I'm going to have to live by now...

Oh the joys of being a College Student

So this week has been a bit of a struggle for me. First of all Easter was wonderful! We had Adam's family in for the weekend and it was so nice to spend some quality time with his parents and grandparents. His grandparents broke in our new sleeper sofa we got with them in mind. (Grandma struggles going up stairs). But anyways it was a wonderful weekend and it was nice not to be the ones to travel.
However in all the Easter festivities I forgot to do an assignment for one of my online classes. Looks like I'm out 20 points but no sense in stressing over it now. But no worries I got this weeks assignment done already!
But anyways this week a friend of mine and I decided to start working out and I can say it is working. With new renewed vigor I've started my diet once again. I have officially gained 10 lbs since being back in school and it is just not acceptable. So I've focused on getting healthy and working out. and I'm proud to say that I'm down 3 lbs this week! YAY!
But now on to the bad stuff. Wednesday I went to lunch with my cousin who is about to pop any day with what I am sure is a beautiful baby girl. We had an awesome 2 hour lunch. I really miss seeing her and having her a part of my almost daily life. Well after lunch I worked out and had class. During class my nose decided to clog, my head decided to hurt as well as my throat. Now I had a huge exam that I had to study for later in the evening so this was no so welcome adjustment to my health! Needless to say I was up til 3 am studying and then got up at 6 to take the exam at 8. I was exhausted by the end of the exam but there were only 4 questions I wasn't positive on! YAY! But after the exam I went home and tried to nap, and that was not successful. Due to my ill health I was forced to call into work. (not a good idea to be sick in health facility). But then I didn't end up getting to bed til midnight because of my ill failed attempt to nap but I did sleep until 11 this morning and feel 50% better.
So I've decided that being sick is horrible. Being sick when you have a crap ton of school work to do is even worse! Thank goodness Adam is making me wait on kids, I can't imagine what it would be like!!! But the good news is I'm feeling better and am on top of my school work...who knows how long this will last!
have a blessed weekend all!