Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Family pictures

If you know me, you know I love to take pictures. So much so that if I had any guts or talent I probably would have pursued a career in photography. There is something about being able to capture a moment in time, a memory that is so precious to me. I'm all about memories and pictures are a way to remember them that's probably why I love them so much.

So my photo shy husband has learned to tolerate my love of pictures. When we first got married I have to say I think he was about to kill me. But with time I think he's learned to accept this part of me, and roll with it. I love to see how much our little family has grown and these pictures will be something I cherish forever. 

That being said I've always loved getting our family picture. From when it was just Adam and I, to now with our children. However since Laynie passed away family pictures are incredible HARD for me. I never got that picture of the 6 of us alive, I never got to have all my babies together. Heck I barely got a picture of both girls together, and only one of them alive together hooked up to machines and being kept alive on life support. Now don't get me wrong I'm ever grateful for those pictures, but it's just hard.

But here is the evolution of our little family...

Engagement Pictures...April 2008
George Rogers Clark Memorial
Vincennes IN
Married!!! 6.7.08
Oak Hill Mansion
Carmel IN
When I got pregnant with Lincoln I wanted to document EVERYTHING! I didn't want to forget anything! From taking weekly bump pictures, to of course having professional maternity pictures done.

Lincoln Maternity.... September 2011
Carmel IN
After he was born I met the woman that would become our family photographer. Through a bizarre twist of fate the person I had lined up to take Lincoln's newborn pictures didn't work out for very good reasons. So I met Alicia. Alicia offers a first years package that includes maternity, newborn, 3, 6, 9, and 12 month photos. Since we didn't do maternity pictures with her, we were able to get 2 year pictures too with this package.
Lincoln's Newborn....October 2011
Our House
Unfortunately for Lincoln's 3 month pictures Alicia had a freak something go wrong with the memory card and all of his pictures were lost. So we quickly got new pictures taken, but by this time he was 4 months old instead of 3. She also gave us a free session that we later used as his 18 month pictures.
Lincoln's 4 Month Pictures... February 2012
Our House

Lincoln 6 Month... April 2012

Lincoln 9 month... July 2012
downtown Zionsville IN

Lincoln 12 month....October 2012
Coxhall Gardens
Due to weather and ear infections by our little guy, his 18 month pictures turned into 19 months, but all's well that ends well. I love being able to do these and see my growing baby bump. I was about 23 weeks here with Landon

Lincoln 19 Month...May 2013
Fort Harrison Park
I always swore I would do everything the same for each kid. While this has now grown to be quite the challenge I'm glad I've stuck with it. Though it creates a lot of stress on me at times, I'm glad I got the same package for Landon. They are priceless pictures that I wouldn't trade for anything

Landon Maternity...August 2013
Our House and Cool Creek Park

Landon Newborn...October 2013
Our House
Since the boys share a birthday, we did Landon's newborn pictures and Lincolns 2 year pictures just a week apart!! Crazy to see how much Landon changed in just that week.
Lincoln 2 years...October 2013
Stucky Farm

Landon 3 months...January 2014
Our House
Landon's 6 month pictures are truly some of my favorite. I just love the spring/summer and the colors were gorgeous as well as the boys were just so adorable.
Landon 6 Months...April 2014
Downtown Carmel
I also just adored these family pictures having the boys matching and stuff. They were just so precious
Landon 9 Months...July 2014
Covered Bridge/Forrest Park
Noblesville IN
When it came time do Landon's 12 month pictures, I don't know what happened to this little guy, but his personality changed into this fun spunky little thing that he is today. He is just a ham and so precious.
Lincoln 3 years, Landon 12 Months...October 2014
Butler University
I had found out I was pregnant about a week before we took these pictures. I wasn't scheduled for my ultrasound until two days later, But I thought since we were already doing pictures it would be fun to do a some pregnancy announcement pictures. I'm so glad we did since I never got to do maternity pictures with them.
Pregnancy announcement, for what turned out to be 2 more babies not just 1
Pregnancy Announcement All 6 of us
I cherish these pictures since they are the only ones of all 6 of us.
All 6 of us
When the girls were born so early I knew that a family picture would be hard to come by for quite a bit. But then when we had to make the choice to take Laynie off life support I'm so glad the nurses had the foresight to take pictures of Adam and I with her. We were also able to get a few pictures of the girls together alive. The nurse that had Laynie was amazing and bagged Laynie (gave her oxygen) while they transported her over to Lorelai's spot. They also took some pictures of the girls together after Laynie passed.
Adam and I with Laynie-- March 2015
Let me just tell you how amazing Alicia is. She offered to come take some pictures of Lorelai while she was still in the hospital. Lincoln was only allowed one visit to the NICU since he was under 4 years old. So I decided to have Alicia come on the day he got to come visit. I'm so glad she was there to capture this!

4 of us, Lorelai's Hospital pictures...April 2015
AHHHH at last our girl was home!!!

Finally 5 of the 6 of us. Lorelai's 3 Month ("Newborn") pictures...May 2015
Our House
Due to the hectic nature of our lives Landon's 18 month pictures turned into 20 months. But they were once again amazing pictures that I just adore.

Landon's 20 month pictures June 2015
Heritage Park
Fishers IN

Lorelai 6 Months ("3 month") Pictures--August 2015
Ritchey Woods
Fishers IN

Lincoln 4 yr and Landon 2 year pictures--October 2015
Butler University
Indianapolis IN

Lorelai 9 ("6 month") Month Pictures -- December 2015
Our Home/Stoney Creek
Fishers IN

Lorelai 12 month ("9 month") Pictures -- March 2016
Downtown Noblesville
Noblesville IN/Our Home

I know when people see these picture they see a beautiful family of 5. Two beautiful boys and we "finally got our girl" as most people tell me. And I agree. It's a great picture. But it's what they don't see that hurts me so much. I would give anything to have Laynie back, have her here, be able to hug her, hold, her and love her. And while that's not possible here on earth and it's something I will have to try and adjust to, we will always always always be a family of 6. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

Lorelai is FOUR months old

Wow 4 months. Sometimes its really hard to believe Lorelai is 4 months old. Although she is only 1 month adjusted. I've been so bad at these posts!! I always said I would do everything the same for each kid, but keeping up with these posts is proving to be the challenge for me. Mainly because I just don't have time to sit down to do it--But by the pictures I take CONSTANTLY I'm at least able to try.

6.5.15 Look How big she has gotten
This Month was really just about continuing to adjust. It's hard when you have a preemie and you're a working mom. I was only able to take 2 1/2 weeks off when she came home because I'm only allowed to take 12 weeks total and still be able to have a job to come back to. So in reality it's like learning how to work with 3 kids at home, one of which is still a newborn. And she just presented all sorts of new challenges in and of herself with just being a preemie. For me it was a very challenging yet wonderful month. 

We went on a few outings for the boys such as the splash pad. It was nice to have all the kids there and just be able to hold her whilst covered up (no sunscreen!) and run around with the boys. She over all is proving to be just as good a baby as Landon was! She rarely cries and is quite the sleeper.
6.4.15 Out at the splash pad
6.4.15 Getting some help from Lincoln

I love to take pictures of her sleeping on my chest for comparison. It's crazy to me how much she has grown! From a 2lb baby to 9lbs! it' s just crazy to think about. Shes gained almost 7 lbs since birth!!! WOAH!
6.10.15 So precious

One of the biggest things we did this month was have her sister's memorial and finishing her baptismal rites. We decided right after Laynie passed away that we would wait until Lorelai was able to be there to have Laynie's memorial. We had her cremated and plan to have her buried with either Adam or I, whomever dies first. Its a decision we made almost instinctively when Laynie passed away. It just didn't feel right to have her memorial without Lorelai, the ONE person who shares her EXACT DNA. I also don't know if this made things harder or easier. Sometimes life feels easier as we move along, and other times harder. The whole process is just odd and unnatural. But I'm so grateful to belong to such a wonderful church that really helped lead us through the whole thing. 

Adam had taken the day before the memorial off to help prep the food. And we found this in one of the eggs. It truly just felt like a spiritual moment. It was like Laynie was letting us know she was with us, that she loved us and she loved that we were honoring her. I have a hard time with funerals mainly because I feel like they don't need to be sad events. We should HONOR our loved ones with our mourning. Its right to love them and miss them and mourn them, but I feel like they should be celebrated. Maybe this is my defense mechaninsm and denial but this really rang true for me with Laynie. I feel like she accomplished so much in her short little life and she deserved to be honored in that. Yes we miss her and YES it feels unbearable at times but I'm also so grateful for the short time we got with her. She was a blessing and I wanted to celebrate her life. So in a long winded way, this just felt so fitting and perfect for Adam and I to find.
6.12.15 Laynie is Always with us
We had her memorial at our church, and at the end we had Lorelai's Baptismal rites completed with the oils, prayers and lighting of her baptismal candle. I'm so sad that I didn't get hardly any pictures from that day! I should have put someone in charge! UGH!!! But I can't fret about it. just need to accept it and move on. 

After the memorial we had a dinner/lunch at our house! it was so yummy! We had pulled pork sandwiches. One of my favorites! with Potato Salad, coleslaw and of course CAKE!  It was a really HOT beautiful day. It was nice because so many family members finally got to meet our little miracle. It was also so great to get to celebrate both our girls at once. It's sort of bittersweet to think that this is the only time we will ever truly be able to do that. 
meeting Cousin Corda

Happy Baptism Day

My Grandma meeting her for the first time. 

This month we had all sorts of fun things happen. We celebrated Laynie's Godmother's birthday! I always enjoy time with friends. Its great to be around people who not only love us, but love our kids too. It helps pull me out of my funks and focus on the many blessings around me.

6.20.15 Happy 40th Sarah
We had a pretty low key Father's Day. I unfortunately started to come down with something and was running a fever. I felt bad but Adam said he had a great day celebrating and it was the perfect day for him.
I also decided to do a little "art project" and created canvases of the kids hand and foot prints.
Father's Day Hand Prints

Father's Day Feet Print
when Landon naps, I'm trying to be better about making sure she gets tummy time. I don't like to do it when he's awake because I feel like I have to really watch her. He is still so little and doesn't quiet understand his bruteness and strength and I'm afraid he would unintentionally hurt her. But Mr. Lincoln just loves and adores her and while he's not the most careful he is sweet and just wants to be close to her and love on her.

We also got a very special visitor this month! Amanda and I worked together until she left to do travel nursing while I was still pregnant with the girls. She took care of me while I was on High Risk and on her last day of work. She is so special to me and she had some time off from her travel assignment and came to visit. I'm so happy she did!!! It was so wonderful getting to spend time with her and catch up. I loved hearing about her experience traveling and I loved that she got to love on Lorelai!
Lorelai really is doing so well here at home. She is getting so strong and so big!  She is such a little fighter and I'm so proud of her! She is growing so well. Her feedings still tend to be an issue. She doesn't like to wake up very much, and so we are still watching the clock and waking her to eat. I did cut out her 3am feeding simply because she was hard to wake up and it wasted an hr of her and my time. She would barely eat an ounce at that time. So we now feed her at midnight and then again around 6 am. She seems to do a little better with that. She continues to be on her acid reflux medication which is helping, though she still has bad days with it. She is taking around 2-2.5 ounces every 3 hours. I just wish she would show cues of wanting to eat. I often wonder if she will ever be hungry or ever act like a normal baby and let us know when she wants to eat. But for now we will just keep doing the work for her!

6.27.15 Working on her activity mat

6.28.15 I just love this outfit
7.2.15 Just too cute

6.14.15 The boys and their Papa
We took the kids out on the boat for the first time on her 3 month birthday! She was pretty unimpressed like she is with most things in life, but thats ok! We kept her in her pumpkin seat for most of the time on the water while her brothers played a little. It was a bit chilly but we all still had fun. I just love being out on the lake. their truly is nothing better for me.
7.3.15 First time on the BOAT

We also went down to Beech Grove to see their fireworks display. the 4th of July is probably my favorite holiday. Christmas used to be until I got married and then with all the family commitments it just lost is specialness to me. So the 4th of July quickly because my favorite. I love the hot weather and getting to spend time with my growing family how I want to. and heck fireworks are so fun! I had to work last year, so this year was the first time I got to see fireworks with BOTH my boys. Infact last year was both boys first times watching fireworks period and I was so sad to miss it!! I did however forget to get a picture of our sleeping princess through the firework show. Shes such a little trooper! we "had" to watch them the night before the 4th because Adam and I were going to the Rolling Stones on the 4th of july! :)

7.3.15 Fireworks
Obligatory monthly photos


Oh my sweet Lorelai. You and your brothers are my world. I thank God for you and your strength daily. You are a miracle and the perfect addition to this family. Love you sweet Girl!