Monday, May 3, 2010


So today my cousin had her baby girl, Lydia Rose. She is adorable and just so freaking beautiful. I can't wait to meet her! I had a final tonight and Alley was still recovering from her C-section so I will hopefully get to meet the little dear tomorrow. I can't express how excited I am.

Today really got me thinking of babies. Not that having children is ever really off my mind. For those that know me, I've had baby fever since I was ohhh about 5. I remember when my cousin Jaclyn was born and I just fell in love with babies at that time. Growing up ALL I ever wanted were baby dolls and barbies. Well that obsession with dolls and barbies turned into the obsession of wanting children and to be a mom. Every chance I get I will hold a baby and just cuddle them.
So today just got me excited to be done with nursing school so that Adam and I can have a family of our own. I truly feel my purpose in life is to be a mom. It's the only thing I've really ever wanted to be. All this schooling is really just to help support my family. When asked as a youngster what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always responded with..."I want to be a mom". So having to put off starting a family is the #1 downfall to being in school. Every time I hear that a friend or family member is pregnant and having a baby I'm overcome with two extremely stong emotions all at once. I never thought you could feel two emotions at the same time. First of all I feel so much excitment and joy for those that are pregnant I could jump up and down and scream from the rooftops how excited I am for them. But then comes the saddness. The saddness I feel is for no one other than myself. Being 24 almost 25 and still in school is NOT where I thought I'd be. I want to be just like all of my friends with their big preggo bellys and beautiful children tackling the task of motherhood. And trust me I KNOW my time will come and I know I'm still young, but it's hard for me not feel sorry for myself.
However, I MUST STRESS. My self pity and poor attitude in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM takes away any of my utter happiness for those who are at that place in their lives. I've just decided to chalk it up to it being hard to take and realize that not all our dreams come true in the way and time frame we've always wanted. I mean thus far I've gotten everything I've ever wanted and more. I have a wonderful husband who loves and adores me and wonderful friends and family. My life is truly blessed and just because I'm almost 25 and no children in sight doesn't mean that my life is in shambles. I will be a mother one day this I know. It just won't be in the time frame that I want.
So I have to say to those friends and family members who have or are having babies, THANK YOU, since I can't have kids of my own yet, I truly enjoy every moment I get to spend with yours. They give me the little pick-me-up that I need to get motivated with school so I can someday soon give them a playmate. I love you all! God Bless all the little children!

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