It's with a very heavy heart and sadness that I write this post. Before I go any further I am allowing myself this one pity party moment and to be hormonal. I also realize that of EVERYTHING that could go wrong this is minor in comparison but is still rather upsetting to me.
When you are between the weeks of 26 and 28 of pregnancy doctors like you to have a glucose screen. They call it your 1 hr glucose test. If you fail that you are to do the 3 hr test and if you fail that then you are considered a gestational diabetic.
Well folks as of about 9 am this morning I got the phone call I was dreading...I have been diagnosed as a Gestational Diabetic.
Last monday after we got back from vacation I went and had my 1 hr test. I didn't have high hopes of passing this because I didn't pass with Lincoln so what would be my chances of passing this time. I was prepared to fail. So last Tuesday when they called to tell me I failed I wasn't surprised. I called my mom and we set up a time that she could watch Lincoln while I could do my 3 hr. What I wasn't expecting was several hours later for them to call me and tell me that I failed so terribly that I could skip my 3 hr and go straight to being classified as a gestational diabetic. I chose to do the 3 hr test just in case and hope for the best.
So monday I went for my 3 hr test. To prepare for this I REFUSED to eat any sweets the day before, ate a lot of protein and Adam, Lincoln and I went for a walk. Then Bright and EARLY monday morning I went to my doctors office to have my 4 blood draws. They do a fasting blood draw, then having drink the delicious drink and then draw your blood at 1, 2, and 3 hrs after you finish the drink. Here were my results:
Fasting: 80 I needed to be under 120 pass!
1 Hr: 183 I needed to be under 180 FAIL, by 3 pts!
2 hr: 173 I needed to be under 155 Fail!
3 hr: 95 I needed to be under 140 PASS
When it comes to this test, you're allowed to fail 1. So technically I failed by 3 pts. HOW DEPRESSING.
The good thing is that I will hopefully be able to diet control and not have to take insulin :) but I have to check my blood sugars 4x a day. fasting (as best I can with working nights) and then 2 hrs after each meal.
I know I can control this fine. Like Adam, My sister and I said if anything hopefully we will all start to eat better and be healthier and this was just a wake up call that we need to be a little healthier as a family. My mom and I are going to go look for a treadmill for me (it's what I want for my birthday) and so that I can walk on it, the days where the heat just gets to me and then I can use it after the baby is born so I can lose this weight this time.
With all that I still feel defeated and depressed. I feel like I've worked really hard this time, no I don't exercise like I should but I've really tried to watch what I eat more than normal. No I'm not perfect and during my first trimester when the only thing that sounded good was steak n shake I indulged but for the most part I'm doing A TON better than last time. I've only gained somewhere around 14-20 lbs depending on the day and last time i'd gained close to 30 by this point. So I sort of feel like all my hard work was for nothing...I just feel defeated.
The other thing that upsets me, is that my risk of a big baby is increased. Seeing that I want to go natural and not have an epidural or a c-section this worries me. ALSO the baby will have to have it's sugars checked before each feeding for 24 hrs which breaks my heart just thinking of it. I feel like I've set my kid up for pain and discomfort.
The last part of it that is depressing is that it has increased my risk of developing type 2 later in life. While diabetes has always FASCINATED me, I never wanted to have it. It was probably my favorite disease process to learn about during school but never really wanted to be diagnosed and have to check my sugars and things. Now I know if I increase my exercise and continue to eat healthier from this point forward in my life that will help my chances but its still bothersome and upsetting.
However, I need to look on the bright side and realize that of all the pregnancy complications out there, at least this one is manageable and I can do my best to control it, but it's hard admitting something is wrong and out of your ultimate control. The poor nurse at MFM who called me to set up my first appointment and get me my accucheck machine got a blubbery mess on the phone...I'm just so upset and mad at myself and feel like I should have done something different to change this.
I just have to keep telling myself that this is manageable and my baby and I will be fine with this outcome...but as for this moment right now I want to just wallow in my self pity.