Monday, October 25, 2010

I've Got a New Attitude

I had my 3rd Peds test about 2 hours ago and lets just say it left little to be desired. I am no longer passing, granted through my calculations I need just a 4 point curve to be passing, I just hate depending on that.

However, I refuse to complain anymore. My frustrations with this program go deep and if it weren't for the amount of money I had invested in this education(and the fact that the end so near) I would walk away and find a program that is actually established and worth the money that it costs and that I actually get something out of other than frustration. I feel like crying every second of every day due to the mere frustration and all I can say is "I JUST DON'T GET IT". I'm tired of fighting every person in this program for what I feel is right. I just wish that people would stop looking out for themselves and actually have a moral ground to stand on and do what is morally right. (this is a whole other topic) 

However, instead of complaining I've decided (in my 20 min ride home) to take a different approach. God is challenging me for reasons I don't quite understand but that understanding is not for me to know. I need to grow from this experience and become a better person because of it. I will continue with my sufferings and offer them up to Jesus who suffered for me. These few months of suffering are nothing compared to what God has endured on my behalf. This is the least of what I owe him. I trust in his plan (well most of the time) and need to focus on what is good in my life instead of constantly looking over my shoulder to those who have what I want. 

I will stop trying to control my life and everything in it (Darn grandma and her type A personality) and have pure trust in what God has in store for me. I can only work within my own limitations and the rest is up to God. I will work hard to get to where I believe I'm supposed to go, but if not then once again trust in God's plan for me. 
God is ever present and will point me in the right direction. I trust in Him and surrender to His will

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