Uneasiness...

Lately I've been having an inner struggle. A struggle that gives me great amount of uneasiness and to be truthful scares me half to death.

I am someone who has always chosen to turn the other cheek when it comes to bad news. I don't watch the news, I don't like to dwell on the unfortunate things and I really just like to pretend my life is a little bubble that no bad things can happen to. For those who know me, know that I'm not immune to tragedy and to be honest that tragedy nearly broke me and is something I still struggle with. But it's also a tragedy that through the help of my friends and time, I've grown to be a stronger person because of, while also hoping and praying I never go through something like it EVER again!

In the past when I would watch the news or hear about bad news it would truly destroy me. It would in a sense ruin my world. I would sit there and cry and feel so helpless. I don't like feeling that way, so a long time ago I made the conscious decision not to watch the news and sort of live in a bubble where life was happy and bad things didn't happen. haha nice try...

However lately it's been really hard for me to do this. Over the year of 2012 there were several unimaginable tragedies that happened in our nation. From the shootings in Auroa movie theater to the most recent shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School. My heart figuratively breaks when I think of what all those precious souls went through in the last hours of their lives, the terror they felt, and grief, the sadness, the worry and the list goes on.

When I truly think of these obvious tragedies, it greatly saddens me to think that these are just a few of the things that some people in other countries experience on a daily basis. Which gets me to my uneasiness.

I truly sometimes wonder where the good is in our world. I feel like when I watch the news or listen to what is going on around me it is just filled with hate crimes, murder, people expecting a handout with out working for it and these things make me so very sad and frustrated and only further makes me want to raise my bubble and protect the ones I love.

So my uneasiness comes from wondering where our world will be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now...I'm scared of the world that I am raising my most precious son. I sometimes even feel like I did him a grave disservice to bring him into such a horrible world that he will most likely suffer through even more so than I did. It makes me sad to think like this so like I said I try no to, and I suppose that all anyone can really do, but lately it's just so hard.

But I wish I could find a way to change, to change the way people act, to change where our country is headed with all the negativity and hatred, to change the hardships the children of this generation will go through. I want my children and all the small children around me to live in a world where your word means something, people aren't innately evil, people are good and want to help others....maybe I'm just dreaming but every now and again you get a glimpse of how life could be like that way I just pray with ever fiber of my being that we all someday will move towards that...

ok I'm done rambling...

stephanie